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[05 Jun 2004|12:14am]

myradar
Well, now that I'm back home, in my own house, in control of my own food, in control of my own schedule, I can finally get back on track with getting in shape, I hope. :)
I'm glad to see that I haven't gained a lot, in spite of Tammy & Steve's lousy eating habits and my sometimes eating out of frustration. I am still down two pounds from my original weight, which means that really, I'm still down 5 pounds, because my originally entered weight was a guess, and it was 3 pounds off, if I remember right. So woohoo for me! That means I have only gained a few pounds.
My next challenge is to find a working VCR on the cheap, and to wean myself off the caffeine habit I've redeveloped over the last 8 weeks.
It feels good to be home. :)
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[28 Mar 2004|09:38pm]

myradar
I'm super tired, very long day. So not much of an update. No exercise today, but I did do an official weighin - 254 lbs! Yayyyyy! One more pound, and I get to put a charm on my bracelet! :)
Got lots of compliments today about how I looked. That was kind of nice. Proof that I thin kI'm doing this for me this time: it was nice to hear, but it didn't really affect me that much.
Tomorrow: exercise! Definitely!
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[27 Mar 2004|03:26pm]

myradar
I think I am finally back to 255, which means finnnally back to 8 pounds lost. Yay! Going to leave off an official weigh-in until tomorrow morning.
No exercise yesterday, but am going to try to do it today. I was *so* tired yesterday, and am still tired from it.
I bought an old deal-a-meal kit at Treasure Loft yesterday for $2, and looking at it, I think I might give it a shot. Somehow the wide-ness of the cards and their tangibility seems more like a fun toy. I like, too, that they have some common portion sizes printed on them. Makes it easier. Anyway, I am going to give it a try, and if I start to have that spiraling feeling, then I'll back off.

A quote to remember when I'm pining over magazines and actresses:

Even I don't wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.
-Cindy Crawford, model
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[25 Mar 2004|04:40pm]

myradar
Just finished "Take A Walk", which is 30 minutes. Yay me! And I did good, too. ("did well" is grammatically correct, I know, but today I "did good" ;) ) And the other night I was dancing to the musical guest on one of the late night shows, I forget which one, and I realized that I don't feel as awkward with my body when I'm dancing and stuff, I don't get that weird feeling of being wrapped in padding and trying to dance. So hooray for that!
Now I need to go post my exercise on the boards, and then hop in the shower to get ready for a birthday party tonight! :)
Summer
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[23 Mar 2004|11:35pm]

myradar
Today was my third day in a row without any exercise, which I'm not liking a lot. But in my defense, today has been awful. It was hard to think about doing anything with my body, my brain was so engaged in worrying and waiting.
I'll do better tomorrow. :)
Summer
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[22 Mar 2004|11:17am]

myradar
No exercise for me yesterday, which was fine as it was my "day off" anyway. I think today's will have to wait until after I get home from having lunch with mom, and probably after a nap, too. My sleep has been all screwed up the last week or so, and I can't seem to keep my brains together enough to get myself back on track. By the time I remember to think about what time it is, and whether I should be in bed, it's 2am or something like that. :P
Still not-eating french fries for Lent, yay me for remembering to stick to that. Easter sure seems a long way away! But this is good for me. It forces me to look at other options, instead of automatically using fries as a filler.
I skipped weigh-in yesterday, too, as I'd had a couple of binge-nights in a row and just didn't want to focus on the negative, which I am sure I would have done had I gotten on the scale and seen the number go up.
Mom is bringing me Girl Scout cookies today; the peanut butter kind. (Yum!) I am not sure what will happen there. But at least once they are gone they are gone! That is not the best way to look at it, probably, but it helps keep me sane when I get into these patterns of binge eating. :(
I'm sure tired. I am pretty sure I was up until 4am last night. I can't remember.
I want to get a George Foreman grill. Just a little one to cook for myself. I worry about cooking on the stove, because my balance is so bad ofttimes that I worry about falling on the hot, and I have been known to leave the stove one. Which is not to say that leaving a George Foreman grill on would be a good thing :P but it probably is better than leaving a burner on. And it would be much healthier. I would probably eat more protein if I had it, which I need to be doing. It's such a hassle to cook it, though, and I hate to fry stuff. So that would be good. I could get chicken and little steaks and stuff.
I'd better go; I think Mom might be here.
Summer
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[21 Mar 2004|01:30am]

myradar
Think maybe I need to not worry about the foodmover for a while and just try to make little changes in the way I eat. :/ Every time I try to work on it, I wind up binging. It's frustrating.
Another thing I've been thinking about: when gorgeous actresses or female musicians are on tv, I catch myself thinking "I want to be pretty like her." I'm not sure what to make of that.
It's 2am, but I'm going to go try to do a half hour tape. I don't want to wake my neighbors, but I don't want to skip today, because I might end up skipping tomorrow.
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[20 Mar 2004|03:26pm]

myradar
These are pictures from a couple of weeks ago, around the time I started exercising every day. :) (All of these pictures were taken on the same day, but two in the morning and two in the afternoon. Radar had a haircut. :) )

They are not huge pictures, but they're not tiny either, so for the sake of dialup users I've put them as individual links, instead of having them load all at once on this page. :) Click away!

http://img35.photobucket.com/albums/v106/Summer23/2004-marchpic1.jpg

No, I'm not praying for help avoiding french fries. ;) I think I was looking down to make sure that Radar was sitting.

http://img35.photobucket.com/albums/v106/Summer23/2004-marchpic2.jpg

Same time, but both Radar & I are behaving in this one. :D

http://img35.photobucket.com/albums/v106/Summer23/2004-marchpic3.jpg

Poodles gone wild! Me and Radar again, I've got my denim jacket on though. This is later that day, and Radar's not quite so shaggy! He had a haircut. :) That weird yellow discoloration on my leg is from the headlights; it was evening and I had to lighten the picture a bit to make us visible, which makes it look like it's daylight.

http://img35.photobucket.com/albums/v106/Summer23/2004-marchpic4.jpg

Same time, only this time we're both behaving a little better.

And for some comic relief! It's MTV Radar!
http://img35.photobucket.com/albums/v106/Summer23/gangstaRadar.jpg
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[19 Mar 2004|09:41pm]

myradar
Let's play Bad Thing/Good Thing.

Bad thing: I was feeling really, really sluggish all day, and didn't feel like doing *anything*. I didn't exercise for an hour as I'd planned.
Good thing: I did manage to do 30 minutes of walking while I listened to a book on tape. I wanted to give up after 15 minutes, but when I realized I was halfway to a sticker for my calendar, I stuck with it and finished the half hour. I didn't go quite as hard as I do other days; my heart wasn't in it; but I did it! :)

Bad thing: I ordered another pizza tonight. Ugh. WHY do I do this?
Good thing: I only ate part of it, and had one glass of Pepsi, and put the rest in the fridge for tomorrow. That's a big deal. Yay me. :)

I'm so tired. I hope I feel better tomorrow. :(
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[17 Mar 2004|07:49pm]

myradar
Phew! I stink! But it's the good kind of stink. :) I just finished doing "Walk Across America" and "Broadway Walk" in a row, 20 minutes of the latter while carrying weights. Gooooooo me! Very proud of myself. :) Was having a crumbly-feeling time a little earlier, called my sister, she stuck around and talked to me for a while, that cheered me up. :) So then as long as I was steel feeling good-ish from that, I charged into exercising. Very pleased with myself for having finished two tapes! That's an hour of exercising, when I could have quit after the first one. Really yay me. :)
Now I'm going to go take a much-needed shower and then curl up w/ Radar to watch some tv and eat dinner. :)
Summer
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[16 Mar 2004|08:04pm]

myradar
Well, just spent $20 I shouldn't have on Pizza Hut delivery, and ate an entire medium pan pizza (canadian bacon and pineapple if you must know), complete with Pepsi.
I'm not sure why. Rebellion against sticking to a food plan? Seems likely.
I ate the whole thing. Was full after a couple of pieces, but it was like... it was there, so I had to eat it. Ugh. Now I'm sickeningly full, and have a headache.
I have to find a way through this food thing. I don't understand why I sabotage myself this way. It's so frustrating not to be able to stop myself.
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[16 Mar 2004|02:08pm]

myradar
Just finished "Take a Hike", which is 60 minutes. Go me! 60 minutes is a long time... yeesh. My biggest problem is not getting tired, at least not at this point, but that I get bored of doing the same for so long. Blah.
Now it's time for some lunch. :) Doing the FoodMover again today, yay me. I'm glad I found some apples I like that aren't tooooooooooo expensive. They are a good thing for breakfast for me - require no dish washing, no cooking, no dishes, and they wake me up. Hooray!
Wearing my bracelet. :) Yay. This time next week, I want to have a charm on it! Only two pounds from it, according to my last weigh-in!
Summer
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[15 Mar 2004|09:06pm]

myradar
Just finished "Walk on Broadway" - yay me. :) I also did my foodmover today, and it was not too hard. I am skipping BlastOff for the moment, and starting at the 1800 calorie card, which is what I would be on immediately after BlastOff. Had Chinese for dinner w/ mom, which I wasn't 100% sure how to count, even with the restaurant book, but I guessed, and since I don't have Chinese food very often it should be okay.
Mom complimented me again, telling me that whatever it is I'm doing, I look good. :) That made me feel kind of good.
I went grocery shopping tonight. I hope I got enough good stuff to keep me until the end of the month. I have about $8 left on my food card. :P
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[15 Mar 2004|04:56pm]

myradar
Putting this here, as I want to make a card for my purse with this stuff on it, and don't want to lose the information before then.



(Everyday Item-----Portion of)

A scrabble tile-----1 pat of butter or margarine
A Tennis Ball-----1 cup of fresh greens
Small Walkman-----1 cup of rice or pasta
Small Fist-----1/2 cup non-fat frozen yogurt
9 volt battery-----1-1/2 ounces of non-fat cheese
Thumb to first joint-----1 tsp butter
Computer mouse-----small potato or medium fruit
Cassette tape-----3 ounces protein
YoYo-----1 ounce bread or small roll
CD-----one 4" pancake
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[14 Mar 2004|11:57pm]

myradar
I got about halfway through a 30 minute walking tape before my calves hurt too much to continue. I think it's the marching-in-place; when I started, I was walking up and down the hallway more, regular strides. Lately I've been marching in place in the living room more. Spent a few minutes walking off the pain, stretching my calves. Could have finished the 30 minutes walking that way, at least, but tonight I just feel too tired. It's been a hard day, and I'm so tired.
Mom complimented me today, said whatever it is that I'm doing, I look better/good. Yay for that.
Weigh-in wise, I maintained. Partially because I weighed in this morning, I think, instead of in the evening as I have been. Tonight I stepped on the scale again, and it's a five pound difference. Blah.
I'm going to try to figureo ut something that works for me as far as getting to where what goes into my mouth is better for my body. It's hard to find what works for me. :/
I know that part of the sad down-ness I feel right now is worry over Annette, who is in the hospital. We visited her today, and it scared me. She was afraid, and that made me afraid.
This is a hard spot. How do I go through to the other side?
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[14 Mar 2004|01:26am]

myradar
I forgot to exercise today, and now that I've remembered it's late at night and I'm not sure how much the vibrations travel through the floor to my neighbors. :/ Hm. Dilemma. I hate to skip another day this week (remember, I missed a day when Heather was visiting), but I don't want my neighbors to hate me, either.
*sigh*
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[13 Mar 2004|10:58am]

myradar
Wound up doing "Walk on Broadway" a second time last night. Yay me. :)
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[12 Mar 2004|11:21am]

myradar
I just finished "Walk on Broadway". It was a good workout. It was hard at first to hear the beat of the music, which was frustrating, but after that it was good. I used my weights in the second half, so yay me for that. It was 30 minutes. Feeling better than I have been the last 24 hours. My sister was over visiting, and... eh. No time to exercise yesterday (I don't really like exercising in front of someone... I get really self-conscious) and also we spent some time shopping for her, which was a little depressing because she's a 15/16 which is still in the Cute Stuff section of sizes. Sears was having a sale so I tried on a couple of things, and she didn't think anything looked right on me, which bummed me out, and the mirrors there always make me feel so huge. It was just hard. It didn't help any that I was tired from our movie night the night before. It was depressing is all. I'd been feeling really good about the 8 pounds I've lost, but seeing myself in that dressing room mirror made me think about how far away from a size sixteen I am. The last time I remember being a 16 was in eighth or ninth grade.
I thought I was so huge.
What I should have done, and what I wanted to do, was come home and exercise, to feel proactive about things, and feel better. But I couldn't because she spent the night last night too.
It's just frustrating not being able to find things that look great on me (including bras), and the once-in-a-blue-moon times that I do stumble onto something that looks fabulous on me, I can't afford it. Frustrating, too, to feel like even when I think I look alright, everyone else thinks I don't look so great.
But I didn't eat french fries, even though we ate at McDonalds twice, and even though the second time they accidentally gave us a whole extra order of fries, AND even though I was depressed. Major coup. And I didn't let my bad day yesterday start me off off-track today - when she left, I popped in Walk on Broadway. :) I might do another 30 minute tape later today. Depends on how the day goes.
I think the bad things are like fog, and can obscure what-you're-trying-to-get-to from your view temporarily. The trick is trusting that what-you're-trying-to-get-to is still there beyond the fog, if you just keep walking toward it.
That's what I think.
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[10 Mar 2004|01:24pm]

myradar
Yay! The charm bracelet I ordered from Ebay came! No charms on it yet, but I'll get one soon. Someone on the RS bulletin boards shared their idea of using a charm bracelet as a reward/motivation, sort of. They said get a bracelet for the first 10 pounds, and a new charm for every 5 pounds thereafter. I'm doing it the bracelet for the first 5 pounds, and a new charm for every 5 pounds thereafter. Anyway, I looked at bracelets at Fred Meyer but I thought I could probably get them less expensively via ebay.
Anyway, it came today, and for some reason from the picture I thought the links would be larger, similar to the charm bracelets my Mom has from when she was younger. Nope - I got exactly the same bracelet I looked at at Fred Meyer! :D I'm happy with it, though. It's more delicate looking than I was expecting, with which I'm happy. Now if I could just fasten it myself. :P
Haven't exercised yet today. The possibility of friends coming over tomorrow, so I *reallllly* need to clean, which I think is going to push aside the idea of my doing Take A Hike again today, as it's an hour long. Will probably do Take A Walk instead (unless the broadway tape a friend is sending me cmoes this afternoon) as it's purportedly 30 minutes, and I haven't tried it out yet.
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[09 Mar 2004|02:07pm]

myradar
I just finished doing "Take A Hike", another walking audio cassette that a very kind lady from the RS clubhouse sent me. :) She also sent me "Take a Walk", which I'll try out tomorrow, probably. Anyway, "Take a Hike" was 60 minutes, which is twice as long as the walk I've been doing, I think. Go me!
And now - lunch.
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